Just Be | Challenging 2019 and my word of the year

It’s been such a long while since I’ve written a blog!  Life has a way of happening and catching up;  making time fly so fast that before you realize it the days have turned into months!

2019 has been a strange year for us so far:  it’s taken us on a journey that has proven our strength, tested us in ways we weren’t quite prepared for and challenged us in ways that have shown us things about ourselves that we can all be pretty dang proud of and also some things we need to work on… and it’s only the end of March!

At the beginning of each new year, I always choose a word.  In previous years my words have been strength for when Tuck deployed, and boy did that year show me what true strength meant.  It wasn’t always strong in the sense of being calm or collected or even being tough.  I learned that year that true strength comes in being able to be vulnerable when you need to be and asking for help at times and knowing the right times to be tough and the right times to be soft!

Other years my words have been grace, patience, and last year was perhaps my favorite one:  Unconditional Love!

This year, I debated and researched my word for a very long time.  I thought for a while that I might keep unconditional love.  It was a great challenge for me and reminded me that everyone (and I mean everyone) deserves to be heard and no matter what their circumstance, attitude or demeanor is they are  just looking for acceptance and love.  It kept me grounded as a mom and humbled as wife.  It was also extremely hard if I’m being honest but I grew more in that one year than I have in a long time.

As I researched though and really poured over what I wanted to focus on this year, I kept coming back to one single word in each of my writings:  something that came paired with unconditional love and was more of an action.

That word was NURTURE!  

I wanted to be able to completely nurture my family in a way that gave them a life giving home.  A place where they could always feel accepted and loved unconditionally no matter what was happening in the outside world.  I didn’t need it to be a physical home (although that would be nice)… I wanted it to be a feeling that they could carry with them, inside themselves but also within our family and especially within me as their mom.

I wanted to be able to provide this not only for my family but for all those that I loved!  And unconditional love, which I had begun working on in 2018 as my word, fit so well with this lofty goal!

So January 2019 I began this work.

And here it is… the end of March 2019 and I have to say, with complete honesty but no judgement, ya’ll I have done a POOR job! 😉

I can laugh about it because that’s just life right!  It throws you curve balls. It rises up to MEET you with challenges and test you.

I can imagine in my mind the universe saying “Ok Brooke, you want to nurture your family so they ALWAYS feel accepted and love unconditionally.  You want to provide for them unconditionally and shelter them so that the big bad world could rise up with all it’s might and yet they feel warm and fuzzy and can breathe easy as soon as they step foot at your doorstep.  Let’s start doing this!  HERE YOU GO MY FRIEND>>> Challenge ON!”  Let’s start preparing you… right now~!

Ya’ll, there’s nothing like trial by fire.  In fact, that’s how I learn best but I have to say, I haven’t been learning.  I’ve been RESISTING! 

I wish I could go into detail about all the ways the universe has granted me the opportunity to start learning and really working towards this goal of mine (because in truth that’s what it has been doing) but that would be too long of a blog.

Instead… I just want to tell you how I’ve SHIFTED my perspective from THIS SUCKS (which is where I was, a resentful, miserable mess) to where I am now.

And it all has to do with that picture of me above ^

My little Linc took that image and I’m more grateful to him for it than I could ever tell him.  That one single moment of me right there… that is the most JOYOUS, the most FREE and RELAXED and full of LIGHT and HAPPINESS that I have been since 2019 started.  And it all just happened that Linc caught it by chance!

We took a Disney Cruise for spring break and it was on their island on Castway Cay where we had packed the day filled with excursions that I think I finally let myself go and just had fun in the moment!  It didn’t matter that the water was FREEZING.  It didn’t matter that Linc was overly exhausted from staying up too late and the kids club the night before or that the 1 thing I really wanted him to do and had prepared him for, he was too scared to do.  It didn’t even matter that all that I had planned in my head turned out to be totally different… it was better actually.  All that mattered was that we were all together (FINALLY) and somehow, I LET GO!

I was just IN THE MOMENT.  I was enjoying being mom.  I was enjoying playing with my kiddo without any expectations of him or me!  There was only that second right then.  No agenda’s.  No must have shots that I needed to get.  My camera was tucked away safely in the bag on the chair with Tuck.  I had the go pro… but it didn’t matter what it captured because whatever we were doing was exactly perfect and where we needed to be.

I wasn’t trying to control anything:  not the moment, not Linc, not myself, not the agenda or the day.  I was just breathing and playing and enjoying!

So here’s what I’ve learned:

• 2019:  You are already a beast!  It’s only been 3 months and you’ve taught me a lot so far.
• I might have taken on too much with my word this year!  It’s a great word and a great goal.  I’m not letting it go, but it might be more of a life goal rather than a yearly word.
• My expectations might be too high right now for everyone, but especially myself!  It’s great to have standards but it can be harmful if you are always beating yourself up because you set expectations that are ridiculous and unrealistic!
• NEW WORD:  BE!  Be in the moment.  Be present.  No expectations, just be inside it.

If you follow me on instagram, I posted a quote yesterday:

” He said there are only two days in the year that nothing can be done.  One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do and mostly LIVE.”

Who else is with me in wanting to just live, love, be and do today!

Let’s make the most of it!