Monthly Archives: August 2019

Personal| Real is Better Than Perfect Series

Last week I talked about our families summer bucket list and one of the big ticket items on there for Linc this summer was to surf a big wave! It’s something he has been wanting to do since he decided one random day that he actually DID in fact, like the ocean! This is just a whole different story in itself, one for another time but trust me… my fearless wonder over here did not always like the ocean. This summer however, he is crazy in love with it and scary good at swimming in the roughest of waters and waves.

As soon as Linc told us he wanted to learn how to surf, we signed him up for surf camp! He was stoked about it and couldn’t wait for July to come but in all honesty Tuck and I were a little nervous. This new found love of the ocean that Linc has is great and he has boogie boarded and body surfed in waves but surfing waves is a total different story all together. Plus Linc is a bit of a perfectionist, if he doesn’t get something easily or right off the bat he tends to get frustrated and needs his space. Surf camp isn’t the kind of place where you can you just say I’m done for the day guys and throw your hands in the air. Surfing requires patience, a sense of fun and grace with yourself and most of all the ability to laugh when you wipe out time and time again!

So we headed down to the beach in hopes that Linc would just love it or find some great friends in the process!

Long story short: What ended up happening is a little bit of what we expected and a little bit of the unexpected! The whole week gave us the best waves so far of the summer! The first day was perfect for new riders but the rest of the week, the surf was pretty big and rough. Linc was on top of it the first day. He was the first one to carry his board to the ocean and the first one paddling out. He was also the first to try and catch a wave and the first one to wipe out pretty hard! It was as we feared as well. That was it for him. He was DONE! It scared him and he wanted no part of it after that. Thankfully the surf instructors were amazing and after a good long break and some coaxing from our friend Eliza he bravely and nervously went back out and caught a few more waves that day. More than a few, he caught quite a bit more.

It was the same for the rest of the days that week. He was scared of the waves when he was on that board. They were rough and when you paddled out, you had to be prepared to get tossed around a bit! Funny thing is, he wasn’t scared when he was off the board. He would charge in and swim out pretty deep to encourage his friends who were trying to surf! When it was his turn to get on that board though, he would get nervous but he would muster up the courage to get “two waves and then one more wave… two more waves… three more waves?!”

Linc learned a really great lesson that week: Bravery doesn’t mean you are without fear. It means that you try even if you are afraid!

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If you have met my little one (although I guess I can’t say that anymore, he’s 7) he makes a BIG first impression! He’s silly, he’s wild, he’s fast, he’s kind, he’s outgoing, he’s fearless and he’s never ever met a stranger! He’s a million things and trust me, I am BLESSED that he is mine. But one character trait stands out above them all and that character trait is that he is very strong willed!

Parents of strong willed children need a club all of our own! Usually when we get together and start chatting there is a sense of comeraderie and oh my gosh, you too?! I feel so much better!~ I remember when I first met my friend Ashley who has a strong willed daughter. I remember finally feeling like I had someone that could offer me comfort and acceptance and a lifeline on days that were especially tough. We still text each other or call each other when we are having especially tough days. As people pleasers ourselves, it’s hard to understands sometimes why our strong willed kiddos challenge us, questions us, or push back on just about everything.

I remember reading in a book something that made so much sense to me, as parents of strong willed children, we often have to be a “brick wall that our kids have to come up against.” And man… being that brick wall is super hard and lonely sometimes. It’s nice to have other parents that understand what that feels like.

Not all strong willed kids are alike, just like not all kiddos are alike. I can only explain my strong willed kiddo and I’m telling you, although these qualities are exhausting for me now; they are the qualities that make him a leader and he will probably run an empire one day. At least that’s the mantra I repeat to myself over and over again 😉

  • Linc questions everything. He is super inquisitive.
  • He is incredibly smart so after he questions everything, he wants to argue why or why not he thinks that is the way that is should be. I call that lawyering. And if I’m not on top of my game… he will “lawyer” me in a circle
  • Linc challenges every single rule, boundary, safety check that is in place. See lawyering…
  • He remembers every single thing you say, every promise made etc. So if you go back on a rule or boundary or a promise, you are held accountable.
  • He is also fearless and I add this in there because combined with the other character traits it can be very overwhelming.

Those are just a few examples of what some strong willed kiddos (mine in particular) might be like. They are all amazing characteristics. We want our children to be inquisitive, to challenge things and find out how the world works for themselves. We want them to push the boundaries and to question things so that they can make the world a better place!

Linc questions everything because he wants to know why things are the way they are. He truly wants to understand! It’s also the reason he argues every point. He argues because he see’s a better way or he’s fighting to find out IF there is a better way. He challenges the rules because he is fighting to find out the boundaries and where HE in particular fits inside those boundaries. Sometimes he fights because right now in this moment he does not agree with them, and that is hard for me. He doesn’t quite understand that he is little. He might understand that his ability is greater than I understand so he pushes me and believe it or not he stretches me. I end up of learning and growing.

He also keeps adults on their game. He does remember EVERYTHING. So he holds adults accountable. Nope, I don’t like it. I doubt anyone does. I know his teachers don’t appreciate it all the time, but you better believe it helps them in the long run. No adult wants to be told they forgot a promise, or they didn’t have the correct answer per the book. But, he keeps you honest.

And yes he is fearless, but not without fear. He is brave and he will attempt just about anything that HE believes he is capable of!

Sometimes though, when they are little and still learning that can be dangerous and difficult at times. As a parent that can be overwhelming!

All this can also be harsh because it can lead other people to pass harsh judgement.

  • They need more discipline
  • They are too wild
  • They are disrespectful
  • They are out of control

It’s easy to pass judgement when you aren’t truly seeing the whole picture! If you don’t truly know a child, it’s easy to pass judgement, especially on one that is strong willed.

Just keep in mind though that every parent is doing the best that they can! Not all kiddos are the same and not every kiddo has the same needs. Parenting is a tough job as it is so instead of quickly passing judgement, maybe we should all just give each other a smile or a high five and remember: we are all doing the best we can and we’re pretty much in it together!

Maybe the kiddo that’s wild at the pool is a strong willed kid that just needs to get out their energy. Maybe the kiddo that’s throwing a tantrum has had a rough day! Maybe there’s just more to the situation! 😉

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Our 2019 Family Summer Bucket list

I can’t believe it’s already August! Part of me feels like I have blinked and this summer is just flying by so quickly. The other part of me, well, let’s just say Linc is having the most EPICLY long summer in the history of summers!

For those of you just following us now, we just left Florida to move back to Virginia Beach. Florida school’s got out for summer in May, so they are heading back to school in the next few weeks here. Virginia schools won’t be heading back to school until September! This means Linc is having a 4 months long summer: probably the longest summer of his life!

One tradition I’ve started doing is making little “bucket lists”. I typically try to do one every month. It helps me to get our whole family out of the house on the weekends and doing fun, family and hopefully less costly activities… together! It was part of my goal planning I started a few years back. It really helped us connect together and get away from all types of screen time and also just enjoy the activities we had around us in the Florida area.

When it came to summers, I realized we needed ONE LARGE Bucket list of things Linc and I could to all summer to keep away the summer “boredom”! I was inspired by one of my insta friends Shalonda Chaddock at Chubby Cheek Photography to grab a big old chalkboard and write it out for everyone to see.

Here’s a peek at ours for this summer:

We;ve checked a bunched off already, even more so that are in that image above! I need to update it 😉 I like to keep things that are fun and simple:

  • Catch Fireflies
  • Eat popsicles with Papa
  • Dance in the Rain
  • Chalk the driveway
  • Eat cake (because July is Linc’s birthday!)

And also make sure we get some big ticket items in there too:

  • Go to Busch Gardens
  • Head to OBX (to see Grave Digger, that’s Linc’s favorite)
  • Tourist night!!! (That’s where we head down to the beach and go crazy at all the little shops and restaurants and mini golf places like a tourist would!)
  • Ropes Course at the VA Aquarium!

Sometimes we will continue to add more things but the goal is to check off all the items before school starts!

I guess it’s a good thing that Linc has a long summer… we keep adding to our list!

The best part about the bucket list is that each day when Linc feels like he needs an activity to do, OR I feel like he’s just restless; we can go to the bucket list and see if there is something we can find to go check off! It helps keep us busy and also helps us spend more time together doing something productive and fun!

Do you Bucket List? What are some things on your list?

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